. . . what a perfect world it would be. I can picture us now, sitting on a pristine beach somewhere on St Lucia (because Lucia is a fun word to say) with Mai Tais in our hands, the light breeze gently blowing through our linen pants (that are not wrinkled because linen would not dare wrinkle in the presence of NPH), while discussing his childhood and the rigors of growing up in Hollywood, his adolescence turned into entertainment for all America to see (frown face). As the awesomeness radiates from his perfectly highlighted hair in the setting afternoon sun, he calls over the server to refresh our drinks, sharing with us the delightful tidbit that “Mai Tai” is the Tahitian word for “good.” “Oh Neil,” I say, “you are full of such wisdom and awesomeness.” As he lets out a hearty laugh, he says, “Yes, yes I am.” We then go on to discuss the hideous bangs that Willow was sporting last season on his hit CBS show (8:30pm on Mondays–I have to give a shameless plug for my BFF) and what Britney is really like in person. Being the gentleman that he is, he first says “delightful” then later coughs “crazy!” under his breath (in response to both the bangs and Britney). After telling a final, hilarious story involving Johnny Depp, the Ivy, and a cup of tapioca pudding, we leave the remains of our Mai Tais to melt in the St. Lucian sun to go paint pottery and eat chocolate-dipped strawberries.

What adventures we would have!