What exactly is going on in this picture?

The stash is horrifying! And why is his hair like that (all pointy on one side)? And have you seen the chest hair? And is it just me, or are his sideburns far too long for today’s trends? Obviously I have a problem with every single piece of hair that is exposed in this picture.

Unless he is off to play an “old-timey” traveling medicine man who is actually a con man that preys on lonely widows, I do not accept this as a look for Jude Law. I will also allow it if he has gotten a role as Uncle Bernie, the child molester who drinks too much and talks like Barney from the Simpsons. Other than these two possible situations in which he would be required by his profession to make himself look horrible, I totally reject this version of Jude Law.

Seriously, I’m going to have nightmares about that stash!