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Get this: Some super retarded Swiss scientists decided it would be a good idea to create a machine that would recreate the Big Bang aka, “the creation of the physical universe.” They spent $9 billion to build and test this machine of which the outcome will be one of two things: a) they will prove that they are indeed right, that the universe and all of its intelligent beings were created magically by the random shuffling of some particles and that we have progressed so far beyond our original gaseous state that we now have the same level of intelligence as. . . the gaseous state that first created our universe. Oh yeah, and the best part is, the results of an A+ outcome for these scientists could very well (and I quote) “generate black holes that could eat the Earth.” Yay science! or b) prove that they do in fact have the intelligence of an amoeba for spending $9 billion on a project that proves that they have been wrong for the last century and basically serves as a mediocre light show:

“While observers were left nonplussed by the anticlimactic flashing dots on a TV screen that signalled the machine’s successful test run, among teams of scientists involved around the world there were jubilant celebrations and popping champagne corks. ”

I know I like to toast to good health right before the black holes destroy us all! Or maybe they were attempting to get really drunk in anticipation of the verbal beating that will be unleashed upon them for spending $9 billion on an experiment that inevitably will not work.

Either way, do not be surprised when you wake up tomorrow to find that Switzerland has been sucked into the fourth dimension and is spitting out tiny, acid-spitting creatures from the deep pit it collapsed into.

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