Signs of Age

There have been way too many signs lately that I am completely and finitely an adult – besides the number attached to my last birthday.  Despite that ugly number, we still like to think we are young and hip, or slammin’ or whatever more appropriate slang is used by today’s youth.  But alas, there are too many other factors at play in my daily life that suggest I am no longer young, hip or slammin’.  And most of them have to do with a preoccupation with cleaning things.

1)  I just realized the other day that the best Christmas present I received in 2010 was. . .  wait for it. . . a vacuum cleaner.  That I bought for myself.  That’s right, I love something that has the word “cleaner” in the title.  What’s more, I consider this something a “present.”  You might as well slap an apron on me, stick me in 1955 and call me Ethel.  But seriously, this thing is amazing!!!  Amazing!  This vacuum is life changing – slammin’ even – like the first time I ate chocolate ice cream on a hot summer’s day.  My eyes are now open and I can’t believe I lived in the dark for so long!

This isn’t just any old vacuum – I bought myself a Dyson DC25 All-Floors cleaner with “ball” technology.  It is the king of all vacuums and I bow at its clean and dirt-less thrown.  I marvel at its’ unique suction technology and drool over its ability to glide across carpeted and non-carpeted floors alike.  I hate to vacuum, but this machine has officially made me a convert – how pathetic am I?

2)  Do you remember that movie A Walk in the Clouds?  With Keanu Reeves set right after WWII?  (I just looked it up on IMDB to see what year it was released – 1995!!!  I can’t believe it came out that long ago!  That proves my point about being old right there.)  Anyway, its a great movie even if it is 16 years old.  It was on TV yesterday and I watched it out of the corner of my eye as I dried my hair.  In the movie, there is this epic, romantic scene where all the couples are stomping grapes to make wine.  And  then they playfully start throwing the smashed grapes at each other.  And the light is filtering in through the trees as bits of grape and juice fly through the air in slow motion.  And the main couple – Keanu and some Spanish actress – get pushed together and pulled apart so they can’t quite kiss or touch, but you know they want to.  You know. . .that scene.  Have you seen it?  Its pretty great.

Anyway, after all the pushing and pulling in the grape juice, they run back to their room in the dark wood mansion to the bed with the beautiful white linen sheets where the night before they were pretending to be married but aren’t really and its all very romantic and secretive and sexy – I feel like I’m 16 again just writing this.  But you know what I was thinking yesterday as I watched it – not about romance or sex or how ridiculously good-looking the couple is – I was thinking they are going to ruin those beautiful white sheets with all that grape juice!  Seriously – strip first people then lay on the bed!  Grape juice will not come out and you just know her poor grandmother – poor, old abuela – will have to wash them by hand because its 1946 and they barely have electricity on this old vineyard let alone a washing machine.  Then, as they started kissing on the bed (grinding the grape juice even more into the sheets!)  I started to think about how exactly you get grape juice out – is there a trick?  I should consult Martha Stewart.

3) And reason number three I know I am now old:  I actually said the other day in a restaurant “Why is it so loud in here?”  AHHHHHHHHHH!!!  Its over.  Goodbye sweet youth.